How to Tell Friends and Unsettle People

As you may have noticed I have tried to respond to my diagnosis with humor.  I do not mean to diminish the seriousness of my illness. Like too many of you, I know what it is like to watch a loved one suffer with this terrible disease.  I hope that my comments do not offend anyone who has been affected by cancer. 

However, for whatever reason, the only thing I can think to do is crack wise. Maybe it’s to make myself feel better or because it puts others at ease.  Or maybe it’s because I’m afraid the moment I stop laughing is the moment I won’t be able to stop crying.  So let’s all stay positive and keep laughing, because the alternative is unacceptable.

Now back to the funny….

  

So you found out you’ve got breast cancer. What next?

After you’ve told your family and binged on junk food, it’s time to start telling your friends.  My sister says she feels stupid actually saying the words “I have cancer.” She says it feels too dramatic, but there’s really no way around it.  Believe me, I’ve tried.

The first few phone calls were ok, but after a while I got tired of telling the same story.  I started e-mailing and even texting. Telling people about my cancer has surprisingly led to some amusing moments.  For example, when J told his unintentionally hilarious Russian co-worker, he summarily dismissed my cancer as boollsheet.

Here are some other funny coming out moments:

Via Text

Me: I have boob cancer

X: Who is this?

Me: It’s your favorite hip-hop desk chair dance partner.

(Long pause)

Me: Is this Rachel?

X: No. No it’s not.

Frankly, I'm a little hurt this stranger didn't at least say something comforting. Then we could have become text buddies and it would make an amazing story of friendship.

When one of my non-cancer doctors called to yell at me for missing an exam:

Dr. B: Hello Becky, how are you?

Me: I’ve got breast cancer

Dr. B: I’m going to need to change the tone of the conversation I was planning on having with you.

E-mail to a law school friend (and obviously my breaking point)

Me: Who’s got two boobs and a tumor? This gal!

After notifying several dozen people, I finally decided to go full public and post on Facebook.   It was late at night, and I worried I would regret it in the morning. Instead, I was absolutely overwhelmed by the number of posts, e-mails, private messages, texts and phone calls I received.  I was actually overwhelmed.  Seriously.  After reading everything, I went back upstairs and took a nap. 

It’s taking a while but I think in another 30 or 40 years I will be able to get back to everyone who contacted me. I have found that responding to people is a fantastic distraction.  Plus it gives me a chance to try out some of my hilarious cancer jokes before posting them here.

I don’t think there is a right or a wrong way to tell people that you’re sick.  Well, there are probably some wrong ways: skywriter, carrier pigeon, smoke signals, robo-call or candygram, for example.

Initially, I actually spent a lot of time worrying about how to tell people. In fact it was the hardest part of this process so far, but I think I figured it out.  It’s not about them.  It’s not about how they are going to react. It’s not about making them feel better.  It’s about doing what you need to do in a way that is best for you.  Just as long as it doesn’t involve a jumbotron.  

Next time...Things you never want to hear from a doctor