Dr. Feel Bad

There are lots of things you never want to hear a doctor say to you. “You have cancer” is pretty high up on that list.  Surprisingly, there are some other things that can be almost as upsetting.

Over the last month and a half, Jason and I have picked up two new hobbies: filling out forms and meeting doctors. We have been lucky, for the most part, in our choice of doctors.  Most have been compassionate and professional.  Still, even the best doctor can say things that are insensitive, unsettling or just plain absurd. For example:

How is your family taking the news?

Great! They're so excited that I was able to get started on this so early in life. 

Would you like me to speak with your family?

Of course not. You seem like a very nice man. You shouldn't have to go through that.

As I said, most of our doctors have been wonderful, but there is always the exception to the rule.  Two weeks ago we met with a plastic surgeon. Because she has naked pictures of me, we’ll just call her... Dr. Wrong.

Here are some of the more disturbing things she said to us during that encounter

Wow! That’s a big bra!

Thanks?

It’s not a matter of whether you’ll have complications, it’s a matter of how bad they will be.

Maybe you should consider another line of work.

Your breasts are droopy.

Yes, but we’ve been through a lot together, so I’ll thank you not to insult them in their final days. Also, how is that relevant?

Are you squeamish?

Yes, so perhaps you should have asked that before opening those images of a woman’s internal organs on your 65" monitor. 

The scar will go from hip to hip, and it won’t ever go away.

Maybe you should work with dead people.

One option is to sew cadaver skin onto your body.

No. That’s how you make zombies.

I perform this procedure like...I dunno, maybe once a month.

So you’re not really an expert.

You may want to consider seeing someone else for the procedure.

Way ahead of you.

This is my office manager. Her face is peeling because she had a chemical peel last week. Take her card.

Sure. I look forward to throwing it out immediately.

We were in the car for about two minutes before I was on the phone with another plastic surgeon.  We met with him yesterday, and although some of what he had to say was upsetting, at no point did I want to punch him in the throat.

Picking a new doctor did push back our schedule, but it was totally worth it.  I will be working with this doctor for a long time and he should be someone who inspires confidence, not horror.  Also there’s complimentary chocolate and lip balm in his waiting room.

My surgery is scheduled for June 20.  I am both excited to be moving forward and terrified that this is really happening.  I appreciate all of your love and support as we move forward.